I haven't posted anything in awhile...I feel bad sometimes that it is mostly sad. I want to bring happiness, cheer...promise. I suppose that perhaps that is what I am searching for myself. The change in the weather and the coming of fall has made this a little more difficult, and I find that unexpected. To the logical side of me it has been a year and 1/2 since I became a widow....To my heart it still remains so fresh. My new normal is here, I am living it... but for now it comes with a sadness and the same loneliness and ache in my heart for his presence. I suppose it has faded some. It still felt like yesterday until I looked down at my sweet girl...our baby girl...as I got her ready for picture day at school.
Yesterday she was 7 months old. She couldn't walk, not even crawl. She said few words, in fact Dada was her best. She knew that night that Momma wasn't right, but she had no idea how her life had changed. Today as I dressed her for her pictures I was taken aback by the amount of time in HER life that has passed. She will be two years old next month. She runs from point A to point B and lives life with an enthusiasm that'll make anyone's day bright. Her smile is amazing and her eyes sparkle and shine. She has a single dimple that reveals a sweetness that contains just a little bit of spice...just like her daddy....And she is loved beyond belief. She's a bright little apple who loves to sing and dance, who's mischievous and loving all at the same time. Her hair falls down her back with beautiful soft curls and her smile will light up any room. She's an angel to many with a little bit of feisty. A beautiful soul. It is when I look at her that I realize how much time has passed. He's here, he's watching... and I know he's so proud... Proud of what a beautiful little creature she is... and is becoming. I still wear her Daddy's ring and thumbprint around my neck and she often fiddles with them as I hold her. In the past I have kissed them and moved them off to the side so her sweet head will lay comfortably on my chest. Tonight she put her head down, but realized they were in her way so she picked them up and put them to my lips. I kissed them as she said "Daddy" and then laid them on my shoulder before she curled up and fell asleep. Just "yesterday" she was simply a little baby...but today on picture day...I am reminded of what a beautiful, smart, kind, funny, ornery and loving little being she is becoming. I am fascinated by what she brings out of her siblings. I will never tire of watching them play with her, care for her, read to her, teach her, LOVE her.
So as I watch her sleep tonight, so peaceful, I am reminded of all the wonderful things her Daddy brought into my life. I still miss him like crazy, ache for him daily, but know he's watching over us both. One thing I know for sure...I'll see his devilish little grin in the pictures she took today. We miss you baby...
Good night my friends.
