Thanksgiving

Its Thanksgiving, we're supposed to be thankful.  I am.  I am thankful for my job, for being comfortable and able to support my family, for my friends who are there when I need a shoulder, for my health, but mostly for my children.  I am thankful I was able to bring them into this world, to smile and laugh, brighten everyone's day.  I know that in some way each of them will make a difference.  So, I am thankful this year…but it is hard…hard not to be angry, hard not to be tired of the "thankful posts" on Facebook, hard not to be tired of people encouraging me to "Have a Happy Thanksgiving", hard not to be frustrated with family and their idea of difficult, hard not to get caught up in what should be instead of what is, hard not to want him back… frying the turkey while I put the rest of the meal together inside, hard not to smile at the memory of Autumn running inside with a smile, out of breath saying "J needs another beer and the turkey has 15 more minutes", hard not to wish I could simply curl up and shut the rest of the world out.

I won't of course.  I'll get up tomorrow morning, just like every other morning I am granted.  I'll pick my baby girl up out of her crib, sing her songs, snuggle with her in bed for awhile because we have no rush to get moving.  I'll get dressed, put one foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out… and be Thankful, but not without a tear.  I miss you my dear husband, every day…but even more on your favorite holiday.  I am thankful for the time I had with you here by my side.  I only wish you were still here curled up with me on the couch in front of the fire.  Goodnight my love.