There are many adjustments to life as a widow, life without your spouse, your other half. Many of those are difficult, painful, hard to figure out... but not all of them. Some are nice, almost easier. Does this shock you? Probably not if you are a widow reading this. Don't get me wrong. I would give almost anything to have him back. We were just shy of our two year anniversary, we had a 7 month old baby girl. All was good. Early in the marriage we were still enjoying the honeymoon, still building our life together. For every widow, the timing in their particular marriage may be different. The relationship is at a different place. Some are newlyweds, some struggling with marriage problems, Where am I going with this? Well... some things may just simply be better now, easier now that your spouse is gone. These are the things that when you learn to live as a couple, you adapt, adjust and learn to accommodate one another. For example... it wasn't long after J had been killed that I was working in the kitchen and couldn't open a package. I reached for the kitchen scissors. As my hand touched the scissors, I felt this odd giggle form inside me. I could hear him so clearly. "Don't use those!!! Those are for meat, not packages!! Give me that!" He would then have taken the package into the other room and opened it with his pocket knife. There were things he changed to do my way when we got married and things I changed to do his way. For J and I... these were small, trivial things. We hadn't really been married long enough to have much else. Another example... My Grandpa recently passed. While he was sick, both my mother and aunt stayed with him and my Grandma many nights. One night in conversation, my Grandma mentioned that when he was gone... she was done cooking. A comment that may have caught my mom and aunt off guard... but made me smile. In their almost 60 years of marriage, she cooked for him almost every day. Something she was wonderful at, but tired of doing. So when he passed away... she was done. It was a release of a sort. It doesn't mean they are loved any less... but sometimes there are little things that are easier when they are gone.
This creates guilt in many widows. I know it does for me. When I do something my way, and realize I'm very much going against what he would have wanted...I often feel guilty. We hide these simple things, don't admit... "wow, this is easier now." We're not sure others would really understand. They might think... "How could she say that?" So if you're a widow and reading this... you're not alone. If you're not a widow... please know that just because we might be glad we don't have to cook anymore or don't have to adjust our lives for someone else, that we miss them any less.
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